In the new issue of Best Life, writer and reasonably well-adjusted married guy Hugh O'Neill shares 10 of his hardest-won secrets for keeping his wife ~ and, by extension, himself ~ happy. (Most of the time.)

We'd love to hear YOUR tried and true methods for maintaining marital peace without resorting to unconditional surrender.

We'll compile the best reader advice and post it online for everyone's benefit. Thanks!

~Stan Zukowski, Online Editor

Ah, women.... They usually know what we know before we know it, right? But they are not more intuitive than we are; they have no ESP, no magic. They are just more sensitive about everything by far than we are. Their aesthetic sensibility is based almost entirely upon appealing to us in every way---makeup, hair, nails, fragrance, texture, color, physique---you name it, they use it. And if they are undecided or fickle, too bad for us: they know they are more tolerant of the discomfort of indecision than we are, and they will seek intimacy by telling us about that discomfort.
Successful marriages rely on a good sense of humor, timing and sincere concern for this curious behavior. We should be fascinated by it, captivated by their intensity.
Above all, have an opinion about everything, but let her spill her guts to you like a girlfriend in the afternoon. She will be multi-orgasmic by Midnight!!
Every day if we want!!
But it's only one day at a time with them, and it's an impossible task to care so much if you don't love her with all your heart. If you would die so she could live, she would know this love is in us.
But what is it exactly that we want?
Is it just meals, a sense of well-being, some laughter, some happiness and sex? No problem, but we have to 'put out.' They have to know that we care for them more than we care for ourselves, that they come first because we need to know where they are so we can keep up! And I guess we want them to be totally submissive to our every need: for meals, for tickling laughter, and for sex.

Time to revive this old thread now that there are people on the forum.

Here are three some things I've learned about keeping my wife happy:

- know when to compromise; sometimes my wife is just plain right, and I'm not afraid to admit it when she is.

- be a man; she likes it when I'm decisive and taking action. She gets most irritated with me when I wimp out on decisions.

- be romantic; instead of a mass-produced card on holidays/anniversaries, I write her a letter telling her how I feel about her. I also know her favorite color, her favorite meal, her favorite TV show, etc. so when I buy her a gift, it's something she'll like.

Be honest, even if she asks the "Do these pants make my ass look fat" question.

Take initiative, don't let her keep making lists for you.

Surprise her sometimes, such as taking off a few hours early to help her get ready for a party.

Don't bitch at her, she will never respect that, even though she does it.

> We'd love to hear YOUR tried and true
> methods for maintaining marital peace without
> resorting to unconditional surrender.

OK, pretty easy! All you have to do is unconditionally surren.... oh, wait... you said without resorting to that... oh, um...

well, maybe it isn't as easy as I thought.

I'd love to offer some insight, but if you research my thread in this forum titled "She's lost interest" you will find that this is the question I have been searching to an answer for. With little or no luck I might add.

If you Best Life dudes figure it out, be sure and let me know!

"We'd love to hear YOUR tried and true methods for maintaining marital peace without resorting to unconditional surrender."

WTF?? Why do men have to view marriage as giving up all control over everything? or almost everything?

Why are so many women control freaks?

What can men do??

I dunno. But all I know is that one of the happiest couples I know is my brother-in-law and his wife. He is something of a control freak; but he's a firefighter, and a really good guy. She's gorgeous, and is willing to go along with his "plan" on just about everything. They respect each other immensly, have 2 happy cool kids, and my wife and her mother are soooooooooo critical of her, because she usually does what he wants.

Isn't the control freak thing just an insecurity thing?

And isn't it a slap in the face, when you court them, and make all the arrangements for dates, weekends away, etc., then, when you are married, she wants to control everything?

In reality, IMO, women don't really want to control everything; but they need to know, more than men, that things are under control. So if they don't see us taking charge, then they jump to it. So many guys are just a little bit lazy, so when the woman takes control, and wants to "dictate" things, some guys say to themselves "OK, at least I don't have to worry about that, and if we are doing what she wants, at least she won't be nagging me about it"

Mean are more willing to go along with women, to keep the peace. Women will bitc.h and nag much more than men, men believe that doing that is unseemly.

End of rant.

> In reality, IMO, women don't really want to control
> everything; but they need to know, more than men,
> that things are under control. So if they don't see
> us taking charge, then they jump to it. So many guys
> are just a little bit lazy, so when the woman takes
> control, and wants to "dictate" things, some guys say
> to themselves "OK, at least I don't have to worry
> about that, and if we are doing what she wants, at
> least she won't be nagging me about it"

I know I fight the laziness thing. I think it goes to complacency - if we are satified with how things are, we don't want to change them.

I also agree about women wanting the feel that things are under control. I have ceded to much of that responsibilty to the wife, so maybe I need to step up to the plate and do more about that.

> I also agree about women wanting the feel that things
> are under control. I have ceded to much of that
> responsibilty to the wife, so maybe I need to step up
> to the plate and do more about that.

I tried stepping up to the plate like you said.... but she told me I wasn't allowed.

Damn, my response got jacked.

My wife loosens the white-knuckled grip on things if she can see me jumping to it.

She's not employed, so she has plenty of time to sit around and find things to work on or worry about.

> Damn, my response got jacked.
>
> My wife loosens the white-knuckled grip on things if
> she can see me jumping to it.
>
>

Yeah, that's what I've found as well. This past weekend we did a bunch of stuff outside. She got tired and went in for a nap, and I just did odd stuff around the yard. I got a lot of stuff done that needed doing, and when she came out later was pretty pleased. She seemed a lot more relaxed knowing that things had been taken care of without her intervention.