This is an article I recently wrote and wanted to share it with the guys here. It offers 4 great tips to help you communicate better with women.

One of the most common complaints women have about men is that we don't communicate with them very well. We don't share the details and emotions associated with our experiences and tend to have a "just the facts ma'am" approach to communication.Yet, because of our egos and our desire to win at everything we do, we assume we are good communicators, but this same problem plagues almost all relationships at one point or another.

This dysfunction leads to contempt, malice and eventually the death of the relationship. Seems absurd that all you have to do to prevent it is learn to communicate with your woman.

Here are some tips to get you back on track.

1. Make time to talk with her. Just as you make time to watch tv, to eat, to go out, you need to make the time to sit with her and talk. This is called making an effort and even if you only discuss the very basics -- work, friends, what you're doing on the weekend, it will be noted.

2. Be an active listener. Pay attention to what she says and acknowledge what she says without judgement. This requires patience and concentration, which is again something we guys are not known for. Make the effort to try.

3. Let her know you care. If she had a bad day at work, she needs to know you are on her side. Telling her she should just quit her job if she doesn't like it is not the answer. Think about how you would feel in a similar situation and even relate a similar experience if you've had one. She has to know you care about her.

4. Emotions and details. When talking with her, put your ego aside and use emotions and details when describing an experience. She will certainly relate to what you say having felt the same thing herself and by offering the seemingly pointless details, she will know you care about her.

As you may already know, learning how to communicate with women is like learning a foreign language. But everything was foreign once. The key to learning anything is to have a passion for the subject and then practise as much as possible -- sounds a lot like golf actually.

But just as you can learn more about golf, you can learn more about women. Understanding her better will bring you more of what you want and you would do it for her -- as the commercials say -- because she's worth it.

Here's a question: Why is the onus on men all the time? The message we get from society is that men need to do more to understand the women in their lives, but the women need do nothing.

I also object to some of the stereotypes you perpetuate:

* Men have no patience and poor concentration. Bull****. We can concentrate as well as women - show me one peer reviewed journal paper that shows otherwise. And as for patience, you, being from San Fransisco, have probably never been hunting. Try sitting in a blind for a few hours and then get back to me.

* Seeming lack of emotions. Again, a load of crap. Men express emotions all the time. Just 'cause we don't get weepy eyed during weddings doesn't mean we are emotionless drones. Sadness is not the only emotion you know. We get angry, happy, and yes even sad, but we don't necessarily need to put on a show for the general public. How about this - men tend to weigh the appropriateness of public displays of emotion more than women.

* Finally, the "[only] men want just the facts" meme is total bunk. My wife often wants just the bottom line on something. And nearly all the women I have and currently serve with are the same.

Frankly I refuse to become a woman to talk to my woman. I'm perfectly willing to make some adjustments, but you (and many other authors) seem to think we need to emasculate ourselves for the good of our relationships. And that is just plain wrong.

Hey LKS, thanks for the response, you raise some interesting questions.

quote:

Why is the onus on men all the time?

I think two the things that come with being a man are responsibility and leadership. Without going into the physiological differences, women are at the mercy of their hormones at times and as such, behave emotionally. I spent several years thinking and living the way I felt I should and struggled to understand women as a result. It is so much easier this way.

My comments regarding patience and concentration were with respect to listening, not hunting or watching the Superbowl, for example. I could still tell you what happened during the drive in the final 2 minutes of the game.

I'm not originally from San Francisco, just living there for the moment. I've also lived in Seattle, LA, San Diego and Miami if that makes a difference.

I'm referring to emotionally relating to a woman when she speaks. For example, she might be talking about going hiking and a feeling of freedom. Rather than talk about hiking, I'm in favor of talking about when I felt free. It's the difference that makes all the difference.

I'm also not saying you should cease to become a man -- all I know is that the benefits of understanding how women think and then responding to them accordingly far outweigh the harsh realities of living in the dark.

Renegade,

I guess I don't buy into the "women are slaves to their hormones" theory. Women behave as though they are because everyone around them give positive reenforcement to that idea.

In the Army I served with a number of women, and I can tell you that they didn't fall prey to "hormones" and get all bitchy with everyone. Why? Because they were expected to behave like adults and professional.

I have also worked for women who didn't have that "problem".

As for relating "emotionally", that's fine. I don't have a problem talking about feelings (as in your example). What I do have a problem with is the assumption by society at large that any communications problem is the man's fault.