I recently saw an episode of Meet the Press where Tim Russert's guest was Dr Phil McGraw. An unusual guest for this program, but very interesting nonetheless. The topic/subject was the unusual amount of stress that is being placed on families today. Dr Phil was discussing a recent survey his organization conducted where they surveyed over 10,000 men and women on a variety of subjects related to family life. One statistic that came out was that approximately 30% of those surveyed claimed that if they had to do it again and if they knew then, what they know now - they would elect not to have children.

Just curious if others feel the same way?

I definitely don't agree. I would have children again in a heartbeat. Sure it is tough sometimes but you have to suck it up. It is definitely worth it and I am speaking from having a 5 and 7 year old. Did the study say what the median age of the people were that participated?

I would do it all over again also.

My kids are a kick in the shorts. They are wonderful.

> Did the study say what the median age of the people
> e were that participated?

No median age was specified, but I was wrong in the survey numbers...20,000 parents were surveyed...some of the survey results can be found here...

http://www.drphil.com/advice/advice.jhtml?contentId=par...section=Raising+Kids

Click on the "Phase I" link. 40% said they would not have children if they knew the problems in creating a family.

I don't have children and have never had any interest in being a father, but I know I'm in the minority. I was very surprised by that 40% figure.

Steve, I have to admit I was shocked to hear that half wouldn't have kids again. I mean don't get me wrong, my two boys (4 and 2) can stress the wife and I out a lot more than we'd like to admit, but I can't imagine my life without them. And knowing how good it feels to hear them say "I love you Dad." Even after they've been screaming at each other [u]and[/u] me all day and I had to yell like a maniac into a pillow in another room. I would still pick that over an empty life of booze and drugs, fast cars and late nights any day.

It's very disheartening to hear that half would say that. Life is too much for these guys. Guess they're losers, eh?

It appears that most replies have come from those with very young children. Thus, their parenting experience is limited. Until one has taken a child through to adulthood, one has little knowledge of the realities of parenthood. It's like declaring dinner a success when you've only just sampled the appetizer.

Im 28 and my son is 7 my daughter is 9 months. They have saved my life. I wouldnt change anything. If I had a choice to do it all over, you bet I would! I was a single parent with my son for about 4 years. Tough times, but to see him come home with student of the month or to help him build legos or something makes every sleepless night worth it. I wouldnt change it for the world.

> It appears that most replies have come from those
> with very young children. Thus, their parenting
> experience is limited. Until one has taken a child
> through to adulthood, one has little knowledge of the
> realities of parenthood. It's like declaring dinner
> a success when you've only just sampled the appetizer.

I'd agree with this. My son is almost 22 now, and there have been some real ups and downs in the last several years. When he was younger, even into his early teens, it was, well, nice. I still love my son, but sometimes he drives me nuts.

I do think that if I had to do it all over again, I'd still want to have him as my son though. I don't regret being a father, only not being a better father.

Obviously I don't know you - but the nature of your desire to have been a better father shows that you in all likelihood may have judged yourself too harshly. Thank you for inspiring me to not take being the father (of a 4 year old) for granted.

Becoming a dad, and being a father is the BEST thing that EVER happened to me, also because its just one more thing that brings me closer to my soulmate/wife in your avarage marriage of ups and downs.

Damm right I'd stil have kids, hell, for guys it's not so tough. And the rewards, even though they will become terrible teens, are unbeatable.

I gotta wonder, what if those who can't be bothered had parents who felt the same way?

> Obviously I don't know you - but the nature of your
> desire to have been a better father shows that you in
> all likelihood may have judged yourself too harshly.

Maybe. There are definitely things I'd do different. Part of that was because I didn't know better - my father died when I was less that 2, so I didn't really have an example at home.

That said, my son is an Eagle Scout, is a good friend to those he calls friends, and is becoming a fine man. So perhaps I didn't do so badly after all.

> Thank you for inspiring me to not take being the
> father (of a 4 year old) for granted.

Never take being a parent for granted. It is an awesome responsibility.

I seriously have to say, coming from a 23 year old mother of a 2, 4 and 6 year old, I'd still have kids if I could and wanted to. I think the problems with stress in the family is not because of the kids, it's because the parents don't get along. Women try to be in control and it's really the husband that is supposed to be the head of the household. There's just way too much on women being powerful and in control and that they don't need men and so they begin to drive their man right out of their lives by spending more time with the kids than her man, yelling at her man and treating him like he's another one of her kids instead of her husband, and basically just being a pain in the ass. Women need to wake up and learn how to take care of their husbands and in turn the husband just automatically will cherish her and the home will be peaceful. I'm not saying that there will never be a disagreement, but there will definitely not be the problems that we have these days with all of the infidelity and divorce and children growing up without moms or dads. Wake up women! You want to be in control and so you need to take control of yourself and your actions and make your home a happy one for your kids and your husband. Husbands are to come first before children, let's not forget that. You don't just ignore your husband when you have kids because you figure he can take care of himself and the kids can't. He needs a big portion of all of that love and affection you pour into those midgets too. This country needs to stop trying to take God out of everything and start putting Him back in, because for those of us who still follow Him (and I mean REALLY follow Him), we have awesome marriages.

Women seem to want to be in control, it's an insecurity thing. But they really want the men to take control, or at least share it.

Whatever.

I just wanted my name to be on the list as the last responder to all of the threads.

Makes my balls hang low. :^O


Message was edited by: rockhead

It seems to me that anyone who claims to dispense relationship advice in the span of a 30 minute program (including commercials), be it Drs. Phil, Laura, or Fraiser Crain, gives the people their monies worth.

Add to that Dr. McGraw's prior conflicting interest in a diet supplement, and his credibility (in my book) drops even lower.

Hindsight 20/20? Of course it is, because depending on your mood at the moment, you'll either focus on the good or bad of the past. Yes, things 'would be different' if I didn't have kids when I did. So lets say you or I could rewind our lives and change the past. Imagine going forward in that 'new' life... don't you think that if you applied the 20/20 principle there, you might just say 'gee, if I had kids when I was younger....'?

If you consider 'hindsight 20/20' as a recreational event, that's fine. If lament over what might have been different, you're playing a fools game.

Of all the words of tongue and pen
the saddest of these: It might have been