For many of us, this is a challenging time in life. Fathers to our own children, and still sons of our own fathers. It makes you see the whole father/child relationship in a different light.

My own Dad is in a nursing home now, and my mother lives near him, now on her own. I am the only one of their children that lives reasonably close, so I try to visit Dad often, and help Mom with things around her home.

As I notice how my attitude toward them has changed over time, I wonder how my now grown sons see me. I hope they see me with the growing respect I have for my own parents. Did I have enough of an impact on their lives for them to be proud that I'm their Dad?

I come accross so many people that knew and worked with my own Dad in his day. Their obvious respect and admiration for the man he is and was inspires me. I can only hope that one day my sons feel the same.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go down to West Texas and check up on my 87 year old Dad. He lived on his own until he was 85 (my mother died 22 years ago) and had a woman come in and do the cleaning/cooking for him. Eventually they decided to live together and that has worked out extremely well even though she is actually younger than I am. I go down at least once a year from here in South Carolina, but regretably, my two younger brothers in Calif and Oregon and my sister in Maryland are no help at all. None of them has been down to check up on him in at least 12 years. Fortunately, my Dad is still sound of mind and his Girlfriend watches over him like a junkyard dog. The last time I was down there, I persuaded him to leave his house to her. In my view, she deserves it. He has never been the least bit interested in moving up here to South Carolina, so having someone there on a daily basis is a real blessing now that he is starting to get frail.

The relationships that develop between father and son and the way they change over time is hard to predict. My two brothers and my sister are his blood children. I was adopted at age 4 right after WWII when my Dad married my mother. I don't know what kind of model my brothers and sisters are leaving to their own children, but comments from my own 44 year old son and 40 year old daughter indicate that I'll have their help if/when I need it. I'm not sure that my brothers or sister can say the same.

Part of the problem is that my Dad was an alcoholic for most of his life starting before WWII and continuing until he was 60. He made a complete ass out of himself numerous times. I have told my brothers several times that the kind of man he was has nothing to do with the kind of men that we should want to be. Thus far I haven't had much luck in getting them to forgive him, despite being able to point to the good works that my Dad did for other people after he sobered up. Such is life I guess.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Pecos,

Frankly guys, I envy you, even you Pecos with your Dad's past problems with the bottle.

My Dad was killed in a truck/train accident when I was 18 months old. I have no memories of him at all, only old photos in a book my Mom put together for my brother and I. We called it the "Daddy book".

I recall the pain I felt when I was a kid, and the other kids would talk about Dad this and Dad that. My grandfather stepped in for a lot of things, and I am forever grateful to him, but it really wasn't the same.

So when it came time to do the Dad things with my son, it was definitely something that was hard for me. I think it has turned out Ok, at least he's not on meth or in prison.