Ok guys, I need your advice. I've got twin boys, age 7, who are in second grade right now. Neither boy did terribly well in first grade. I wanted to hold them back then, but the school said they didn't like to do that. So, I let the school move them on to second grade this year, and hired tutors (ouch, expensive -- there goes my big screen tv) and while they are doing better, neither is at grade level. The one boy is still really struggling to read and is only at an emerging first grade level. The other reads better, but still only gets about half right on his tests and is struggling more with math. He's only at emerging second grade level. Both boys were born premature, and I believe that they just are not developmentally at the right age yet for second grade work. They are the smallest kids in their classrooms and I think it might be better to make them repeat second grade. My wife, tends to agree but I'm not sure she's as committed to the idea just yet. The boys don't want to be put back in first grade, but are actually ok with taking second grade again next year. However, the real problem is the teachers. They agree the boys are not doing well, but again they are insisting that they do not like to hold children back. They say if affects their feelings of well-being, etc. (Little too new-age for me!) I've been accused of looking at this as a typical guy and just wanting to hold them back so they'll be bigger and do better at sports etc. And yes, I suppose there is something to that. I would like them to be closer is size to the other boys and be part of the group, but I really also think this would be better for them academically in the long run. So, am I just being a brutish man and should I listen to the teachers or am I correct in standing my ground, what do you think guys?

Hey Boss,
Thats a rough decision to make for your two little ones. It is great that you hired tutors and it sounds like you and your wife are really involved in their school-work. Another option that leaves itself out there is summer school. It may be a bummer to them but in the long run it will pay off. Think of being the kid that shows up to school the next year and gets made fun of for staying back...or when your friends graduate to middle school your still in elementary education...the teachers are in a sense right...a child's psyche/self-esteem does play a huge role in how well he/she learns...
just giving it a go...good luck...i hope the best for your children

You mentioned that the boys were premature - that does play a part in their level of development. How early were they? When is their birthday in relation to the cut off date for starting school; holding them back from starting first grade may have been an option that you weren't told about. That may give you some leverage with the school about keeping them back. I also have twin boys who were born very close to that cutoff date (in our school system I believe it is the end of September), so it's a decision my wife and I will have to make in a few more years.

The teachers are fighting with spoons - yeah it will effect their self esteem to be kept back, but not reading well and doing poorly in comparison to their friends is going to hurt their self esteem even more. If it were me, and my boys were in the same situation (physically smaller, academically not doing well) I would be pushing to keep them back at a young age, rather than when they are 9 or 10 or older.

I suggest getting in touch with a local chapter of the National Organization of Mothers of Multiples. They may have some suggestions or experiences with premie twins at schoolage, and what developmental issues there are. I realize this isn't just a twins issue, but the resources and information may be more accessible than for a singleton who was premature.

Good Luck, and let us know what happens. (I'm very interested, just from the point of view of another dad of twin boys.)

Thanks for the responses guys. Harleydad, the boys were about five weeks early, but both suffered from less than fully developed lungs and they have some vision problems (corrected just fine now, by glasses)I like your thoughts about how not reading at the same level as their peers also will affect their self esteem. Never really thought about that, but it fits, especially when I think back to teacher conferences and how the one teacher said that one of the twins was hesitant to participate in class. We have an older son who is 10 now, and he loves school and does very well (he must take after his mother) When the twins got to be school age, they were begging to go to school like their older brother. And at first, they both did all right. Kindergarten was fine, but in first grade they struggled. Their birthdays are both in April, but had they been born when predicted it would have been late may, early June much closer to the August cutoff date. I suppose if we had been on the ball more, it would have crossed our minds to not start them in school right away. But they were begging to go, so....After my first post, we now have midterm grades and both twins are still at the lower part of their grade level. It's so hard knowing what is the best thing for your kids.

I think if it were me, I'd talk to the boys and see where they were at with staying back a grade now. If they were okay with it, I would work with the teachers and the school to make it happen. The other thing you would want to have is the teachers to understand what is going on and make sure they are going to give the boys the attention they need. If they feel their wishes not to hold the kids back have been overruled, they may not be as willing to give the kids any extra help. Get a feel from the teachers whether a different teacher might be more workable.

Just a couple thoughts. Good luck.

Voclst,

I'm not the expert, but two things here:

1)See if your school (kid's school) will monitor for deficiencies. It doesn't mean the kids aren't smart, they could just have a learning disability in an area. Of course that is only if they are really struggling, but it wouldn't hurt for the teachers to do some monitoring.

2) If you want to hold them back, now is the time to do it while they are young. Sometimes that extra year can add a lot of maturation.

Jon