A few months ago my dad was diagnosed with MDS, a form of bone marrow leukemia (to keep it simple) and now he has been diagnosed with lung cancer. The tumors are nearly touching his heart. He is the youngest (54) of nine. I am 28 and now the backbone of my family. Keeping family from buying plane tickets my mom from depression and my dad to stay strong. Life doesn’t stop for me though. On top of that my wife and kids still need a roof and a full fridge. I am currently working 2 jobs so my kids can have the best I can provide. Im wearing myself thin. So much is going on I sometimes get pulled in many different directions.

If anyone can offer some advice, I would appreciate it. The only time I have to let my guard down is my drive in between work, home and hospital. I need to stay strong so I can keep my dad strong too. Help please.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. What you need is a quick emotional release whether that be a quick workout at the gym, or (this may sound immature!) by putting your favorite CD/cassette/8 track into the car stero and just cranking the mf up (it helps when stuff gets too stressful for me.)

Thanks John. The people I have spoke to have told me the same. About the emotional release. I'll try anything right now. I just hope my speakers can handle it. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post.

Good Luck to you and your family.

He's going in for another surgery. This time they are going to open his chest to expose his entire lung hopeing to creat space between his heart and the cancer tumor. He will be in bed rest for up to 8 weeks. Merry Christmas dad. This keeps becoming more and more difficult. Up untill Oct. I cant remember the last time I cried because my dad wouldnt let me. Now I cry about my dad everyday. To those fo you reading this, I want to thank you for allowing me to vent.

May I make a suggestion? Make sure that your Dad knows how you feel about him. When my Grandfather (who raised me after my father died) died in May, I found that there were still things that I had left unsaid but that it was now too late to say.

Don't wait until it's too late to have a talk with your Dad. If he beats this thing, you'll be that much closer. If not, you'll both have greater peace of mind at least.

I went through this a few years ago, my uncle, grandfather and father all passed within about a year an a half of each other. One of the things I developed out of this is what I call the ten year rule. It is basically a method to determine where to put my priorities. It goes like this, which of two actions will I remember 10 years from now. Will I remember what meeting I missed at work or will I remember that I missed my last chance to see dad or help mom get through something. Since then I have tried to keep using that rule to help prioritize a few things in my life. Your kids won't remember that Christmas was a little less this year but they will remember how Dad handled the death or illness of his father. I can still remember reading in a short story that my youngest daughter wrote that when we got the call about my dad it was the first time she had ever seen me cry and that stuck with her much more that any material thing.

Good luck and god bless you and yours

> One of the things I developed out of this is what I call
> the ten year rule.

That's not a bad way of thinking of this kind of thing. I remember when I was younger I would often put work ahead of family - thinking that by working harder I was actually helping my family. That, of course, is not really true.

You guys are great! Thank you so much for for your advise. I have been spending some time with my dad just talking about random things. Not his health. It makes me feel like a kid again. Then I go home to my kids. Im begining to accept what is hapening. The more at ease my dad is the better. Im still having a difficult time explaining to my family out of state. It wears me down having to retell the same thing over and over. I recently took time off of work to spend with my kids and wife. What is so troubling is that Im only 28 and my dad 54. I cant stand having to tell my grandparents that their son is dieing. It shouldnt go in that order. This message board helps alot. It gives me a chance to let go for a bit. My thoughts my come out kinda random but right now my head is in so many different places. Thank you everybody for your remarks and warm wishes.

Code,

I am glad my post might have helped, that is the purpose of these things. One thing you might think of is to try to anticipate some things that you will face to ask your father for advice one more time. I know I have gone through a few things since my father died that I wished I could have gotten his thoughts on. If you can I would write them down, my dad was a recovering alcoholic and he kept a diary of sayings and wisdom's that have been a source of comfort to me. I wished I had written down more stuff about his and my grandfather's life. You think the memories won't fade but it is human nature that they do. Most of all enjoy what time you have and remember the grief you have is for your own loss and that it is ok to grieve.

Take Care,

Tex

> If you can I would write them down, my dad was a
> recovering alcoholic and he kept a diary of sayings
> and wisdom's that have been a source of comfort to
> me. I wished I had written down more stuff about his
> and my grandfather's life. You think the memories
> won't fade but it is human nature that they do.

Another good idea, there's a saying that "faded ink is better than faded memory". Write down what your Dad says to you. In fact, start writing down *your* thoughts in a journal for your kids to have once your gone. I have started one and put down memories I have of my younger days, letters to my wife and son, stuff like that.

The big day is upon us. Tomorrow my dad goes in for surgery. It will take them approx 5-6 hours to remove the tumors from my dads lung and from around his heart. Im actuall ok with what is hapening. So is my dad. Hell, he's going in to work tomorrow before he has to be at the hospital. I've been talking to him and listening. Things that I took for granted before. We have come to a point where there is an understanding. That understanding lies in a number of different facets of our lives. Its a good feeling. Im sure all will be ok. He is supposed to be in the hospital for 5 days and home for bed rest for 6 weeks. Im sure I will be providing you an update of my dads progress. This forum and your support has helped a lot. Once things smooth out for me, I hope I am able to enter other posts with a clear mind and maybe help you guys in return.

May you and you family be granted peace through this time. God bless and good luck, let us know how it turns out.

Tex

I hope it all goes well for your dad (and for you). Keep us up to date.

My dad got home last night!!!!!! They removed all the tumors. Most of them ended up being dead tissue but 2 are being tested right now. They were located on his aorta (?spelling). He is feeling ok, hurts only a little bit. We hope to find out soon what the resultsa are for the biopsys. This is all great news. As long as the tumors being tested arent as bad as we were origionaly told things will be great! As news comes in I will spill it here. You all have been great. The support is wonderfull. The advise has helped in ways I cant express. Thank you.