I live 2 hours from my office; have done so for over 12 years now. As such, I have a lot of collegues and buddies, but only a few people whom I call friend. We know a few neighbors, but we don't share dinners or the like.

In my offtime I am a Scout Leader and my son and I practice Karate; again, buddies are there, but no friends. I am unsure whether I care about having a friend any longer.

quote:

Originally posted by PoconoChuck:
I live 2 hours from my office; have done so for over 12 years now. As such, I have a lot of collegues and buddies, but only a few people whom I call friend. We know a few neighbors, but we don't share dinners or the like.

In my offtime I am a Scout Leader and my son and I practice Karate; again, buddies are there, but no friends. I am unsure whether I care about having a friend any longer.

I don't know. Friends are good to have, but hard to keep - drift is always a problem.

Like you, I have collegues and the like, but they are a poor substitute for actual friends. I just wish the friends I do have lived closer.

bumping this up again

Yeah, well Bump THIS--

All topics now have "rockhead" on them...I proclaim myself King of the FORUM!!!

I have a different issue. I had been in some kind of relationship or married from when I was about 15 until about 4 years ago. I now have a girlfriend but she lives a long way off (for now). I try to make friends who are usually end up a friend of a friend kinda thing. I don't care if it's with men or women I just want someone to talk to about life to other than my damn dog. But when I make friends with a women and she even KNOWS I have a g/f that I am serious about (I talk about her all the time) the new friend almost always ends up telling me she has a crush on me. I’ve made it a point to not do anything that even resembles flirting or “available” behavior. It annoys me to no end and I'm tired of my g/f being right about it. It seems like just because I'm single and a good guy women become deaf to the fact that I am serious about my girlfriend and they (eventually not so) secretly competitive for my time or start gazing at me like I’m a turkey dinner. I know, what guy in his right mind would complain? Well. This one is because I just want to make friends – not wreck my entire life for some immediate (stupid) fun.
It's hard to make friends who are in couples (guy friends) because they are always busy with their lives. The single guys I know want to go out looking for women or to clubs. I’m not a jock, as a matter of fact I’m Mr. Sensitive (I’m a damn Cancer/Crab) and somehow it’s become a curse!

quote:

I know, what guy in his right mind would complain? Well. This one is because I just want to make friends – not wreck my entire life for some immediate (stupid) fun.
It's hard to make friends who are in couples (guy friends) because they are always busy with their lives. The single guys I know want to go out looking for women or to clubs. I’m not a jock, as a matter of fact I’m Mr. Sensitive (I’m a damn Cancer/Crab) and somehow it’s become a curse!

For what it is worth, my hat is off to you for being a good man, where your g/f is concerned.

It may sound like a small consoloation, I realize, but it is worth mentioning all teh same.

ftm-have you tried the work route? maybe go out for a couple of beers or whatever with the guys after work and see where that leads?

For starters, you can post your thoughts on this forum and I guarantee the guys here will "talk" to you. As someone who travels a lot and does not have too many real close friends, I can honestly say this board has been a real help to me as a place to work out my "issues" and just BS with a bunch of like minded guys!

As far as trying to develop platonic friendships with women, I think that's rarely possible. I know there are a bunch of guys out there who claim their best friends can be women but I have a hard time believing that. Unless there is a huge age difference, or she looks like a troll, at some point the hormones take over and things get out of hand.

Stick with trying to develop friendships with other guys, and it will be easier to stay true to your girlfriend. Try getting in some service club or social group. Something you are interested in. You will find like minded guys an the friendships will happen.

Good luck!!!!!

Thanks guys for your thoughts.

Part of the problem is that for the last year I've been working from my home office and it's begun to take it's toll on my social life. I have been mostly exposed to friends of other friends. I'm starting a new job next week where I have to actually show up at the office - so, I think that will help things a lot.

I remember (a long time ago) in college I had all sorts of male and female friends both and there was NO trouble with this cat-like, stealth, stab each other in the back kind of behavior from the girls (or maybe I was too dumb to see it).

In any case -- lesson learned...

quote:

Originally posted by PoconoChuck:
For what it is worth, my hat is off to you for being a good man, where your g/f is concerned.

It may sound like a small consoloation, I realize, but it is worth mentioning all teh same.

Thanks -- I've been the whole cheating route in the past and it cost me (emotionally AND $$ wise) WAY more than the fun ever was.... there is noting worse than a scorned woman with credit cards!

so... I myself I like to think of myself as a smart man, so.. I won't do that again. Plus, I really care for my g/f.

Wow, glad this thread has been resurrected. And welcome ftm_daddy.

I have puzzled over this a long while without coming up with any answers. Some observations though might be in order.

* Service clubs - I am just about the youngest member of our Rotary club. Without me (heck even with me) the average age has to be pushing 70. And most 70 year olds don't want to head out for beers after work - they are already well into their naps by then.

* Women friends - I have a few, but have been able to keep if friendly. There's a new article on the website with a quote that goes something like "if you give yourself a choice, temptation always wins". So I don't go anywhere one on one with my female friends.

* Sports/Misc Activities - With winter coming on, it's getting toward roundball season. As a former wrestler, I'd rather have sloppy drunken sex with Hillary than play basketball. Well, maybe not, but I still don't like BB that much. Sports are Ok, but for some reason I live in an area where all the guys my age seem to have young kids and want to do daddy stuff all the time.

I did just join an organization where I have 100 or so instant friends. But we'll see how the going out after work works after drill this weekend.

I will disagree, in part, on the topic of women friends.

I've been fortunate enough to have had two women as friends, and nothing more than that. One of them I met before being married, and she and my better-half have become close friends (so, trust me: if anything did happen, she'd have found out).

Another is a gal I worked along side of for 5 years. The office cubicle space was situated such to have two desks butt-against each other, with a phone in between them; each employee had two full cube-walls, and one half wall. 5 years of working together, you get to know a person, and we jokingly called each other 'office spouses'. And no, she wasn't a dog, either.

I haven't worked with her in over 4 years, and I haven't seen her in over 3 years, but we still send e-mails every few weeks. So a gal can be a friend, albeit a rare exception.

hey lks- what is the problem with sloppy drunken sex with hillary? lol!!

Damn John, sometimes you scare the hell out of me :-)