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Went to my first marrage coucelling session today. Really wasn't what I expected but I think it could help me and my wife. The councillor said I need to stop being wishy washy. I been told I can be wishy washy often through out my life. I changed what i wanted to focus on in colledge three times and still haven't finished. I've made public commitment to God in church and turned around and didn;t bother going any more professing im not sure god gives a rats ass. I wilt like a leaf in the face of aggresion with other males even though I look in the mirror and see an athetis built 6ft 220lbs I'm still very passive. I HATE TIS ABOUT ME AND SO DOES MY WIFE> There have been moments when I was in charge of my life, felt like I was on top of the world. But now I have no friends I see on even a monthly bases. My wife works nights so I never see her besides weekends. I have two toddlers of my own but that limits activities I can do. I'm not proud of some of the things t5hat have gone on betwwen my wife and I. She says she wants to try and make it work and I definitely do. I don't know if anyone has or does feel like this ( law of averages says there is...but hard to belive ). Write me back with encouragement and even advice if you like. I need to know how I can take a stand even if it means I may lose in the end. Thanks for any responses.
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First off, you need to take control of you. You say you are passive - take some assertivness courses or something. You say you don't commit to things, so pick something easy and commit and follow through. It's going to take some work, but *if* you want to change, you need to make the effort. Being passive is like anything else that you need to change - you have to want to, I mean want to with everything you have, to do it. -- "No job is beneath a man's dignity as long as it is honest and supports his family" - my grandfather http://ma.gnolia.com/groups/bestlife |
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(I guess every reply includes the quote) You have identified the problem, first step. Now you have to attck it. To do that, you have to be aggressive, you have to change your habits. Changing habits is not easy, people are creatures of habit. You need to set goals. Goals have to be identifiable, reachable and progressive. In your case, I would suggest setting goals such as making committments and keeping them; talk with your wife about setting goals and meeting them. Do you work out? If you do, write down your goals, keep a written schedule. Train yourself to approach all situations directly; say "I want to ____________" instead of "Maybe I will ____________" Try to cut out all of the "wishy washy" thoughts and actions in your life. Don't accept excuses, especially your own. You will become more comfortable with your new thoughts and actions and you will change. Start today. Good luck. |
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