This has prompted alot of thinking on my part over the last few months. What constitutes cheating? Is it purely physical? Can you cheat emotionally? Is it a combination of the two? Or can it be any one of the three? How far does the physical have to go before it is cheating?

This has made me rethink my own definition of cheating. And I have asked friends to give me their ideas as well. It has been interesting, since they brought up issues that I hadn't considered in my definition.

So how about it, guys?

What's your definition, Cinnamon? What is it now and what was it before?

I don't think "cheating" is purely physical-it can be emotional in nature, or a combination of the two. The best definition of cheating that I think I've heard is that it is any action on your part that you would not want or would be uncomfortable with your partner knowing.

I think h.c.'s definition is right on target! I would echo that any "action" you would not want your partner to find out about would constitute cheating at some level. Obviously, "doing the deed" is taking it to the ultimate and for some the unforgiveable place. But I'm sure there are many who have done much less, and still know in their heart that it is wrong.

That said, I do beleive that cheating has to involve action. If thoughts counted, I'm sure everyone would be a cheater. It's when you act on those thoughts/feelings that I believe you have crossed the line into cheating.

And by the way, I don't buy the line that men and women can be "friends"...... but that's probably fodder for another discussion.

Good point, Chief Engineer. Thoughts alone would have everyone a cheater so acting on those thoughts certainly sets the cheaters a part.

You really don't believe men and women can be friends?

Can men and women be friends? Casual friends....maybe.

Close friends, as in, hanging out with each other, having a few beers, sharing deep thoughts, etc.............I don't think so. I would call that a recipe for disaster.

So by casual friends, you mean acquintances? Why do you believe that anything more is a recipe for disaster?

Unless there is a vast difference in the ages of the man and the woman, I truly believe that at some point thier feelings for each other will move into a sexual area.

I guess I believe that we are all "wired" that way.

I certainly could never trust myself to have a close female friend. But maybe I'm just wired wrong!

Men and women can be good friends and not have sexual feelings for each other. I have a couple of female friends (they were friends before I met my wife) and it has never been sexual.

Regarding cheating...so would you consider a lapdance at a strip club cheating?

If your wife/girlfriend/partner isn't cool with it, or if it's something you'd have to hide from her, I'd say so. Yes...

Come now guys, how many women would like to watch their significant other be on the receiving end of a lap dance?? And if she doesn't want to watch, then no matter how much she denies it, she has a problem with it. Of course, if she [u]does[/u] want to watch, there may be a problem there as well, lol!

My definition is still evolving. Definitely any sexual activity, which would include kissing, touching and even snuggling up. I do believe that cheating can be just emotional. As for thoughts, well, I think that there is a point where that can become cheating as well. Like an obsession with someone in particular, a friend or a co-worker. That is just my personal feeling. Could you say that it is taking activities and/or feelings that ought to belong to your significant other and giving them to someone else? Part of me feels that that is too encompassing but then.......

When I was married, my ex never cheated on me in the general sense of the word (it would have required too much effort on his part, lol!) But I used to refer to the television as "Wife #1" and I recall stating that if he could find a way to have a sex life with the tv, he wouldn't need me at all. It was an inanimate object, but it felt like cheating because it was #1 in his life, he spent far more time with it and was far more interested in it than he was in his family. Nothing mattered more to him. It felt like cheating because he was cheating me (and the kids) out of what was rightfully ours. But I never felt that I could really define it as cheating.

What I am finding is that everyone has different ideas about what is ok and what is not, and I confess that I am amazed at some of them. I agree with the concept that if you have to hide it, then it probably qualifies as cheating. But there are times when I have had experiences where I felt that the behaviour was inappropriate but others thought that it was harmless fun. So the desire to hide wasn't there. For example there was one occasion where we were out with friends and a female aquaintance (not a member of our party) of my ex came over to our table and proceeded to do a lap dance for my ex. I tolerated the performance but spoke to him afterwards and he couldn't imagine why I would have a problem with it. He also announced that he couldn't stop her (and I thought he was a big boy, lol!) I pointed out to him that had he stood up and introduced her to his wife, then there would have been no lap to dance in and he would have communicated that he was unavailable for the aforementioned dance. All accomplished without being rude or making a scene. In another instance and with another ex (bf not husband) he wanted to visit a former girlfriend while she was home for a visit. I was ok with that and we did visit. What I was not ok with was that he announced to me after we left that he would drop me at my place and go back so that he could see her alone because she wanted to be alone with him. He spent the night there and was astounded when I ended the relationship. Am I nuts or what?? :^O My current guy related to me that among a number of couples who he associated with as friends, there is one wife who gets very amorous when she drinks and comes on to all of the other men there. The behaviour escalates with the intake and gets fairly extreme. To date, no one has stopped her--not the men in question, not her husband and not the other wives. My guy's comment was that it was harmless. Personally, I would think that this was rather like playing russian roulette. At some point, conditions will create a situation where things will go beyond the point of no return and then there will be an explosion. If a friend (drunk or not) or any guy tried to climb all over me, I would be mortified and put a stop to it in a hurry--before my guy ploughed him into next week or his gf or wife decided to kill me.

As for whether men and women can be just friends, not in my experience. The only male/female friendship that has been successful for me is where the guy is gay. In every other instance, no matter how clearly I indicated that I wasn't interested in a physical relationship but only friendship, the guys (married and otherwise involved) all tried to take it into the bedroom. I truly believe that it can only be a very casual friendship. Anything deeper evolves into something more.

I think that when it comes to cheating, it is up to the couple in question to set their own definition and for them to determine what they're okay with the other doing. For that, I guess that open and honest communication with your significant other is essential.

Cheating is any sexual/emotional connotative act on someone you are exclusive with. So if you start seeing Jenny, and she knows you are not exclusive, and you sleep with Tammy, then that is not cheating. If Jenny however believed you are exclusive and you kiss with Tammy, then it's cheating. Basically, both parties in a relationship have to be one the same page. Don't be a coward, find out where you and whomever stand before you put any sexual/emotional action out there with another person. And chances are, if you are afraid of getting caught, then it's cheating. And just like in cards, no one respects a cheater.

quote:

Originally posted by Aino:
Well, I agree to you all... But cheating is mostly emotional and intentional by nature. You cheat, because you wanted to, nobody well tell you to cheat for yourself. Right?!

Cheating in relationship... Well, I guess, it is intentional also, because if you're both loyal with each other their will be no problem in your relationship. Cheater will always be a cheater...

Well, there will be fewer problems (maybe) if you don't cheat, but "No problems" is probably a stretch.

I think that some people cheat because of the old "when the going gets tough" problem. They think that a relationship is all sunshine and roses when in fact it's hard work.