My wife (AKA compulsive liar) and I are finally going to get a divorce. We have been together 4.5 years and have a 2-year-old son, just to give you a little background. I was wondering if there was anything that you wished you had done before you got divorced that you wish you had done to make things go a little smoother, or get screwed a little less over.

I donÂ’t have much, just a small house (in my name) her car (is in my name) and a couple of grand in debt. I pay all the bills because she is too irresponsible to keep a job for more than a month or two at a time. She has a bachelorÂ’s degree and is halfway to her masters, but just wonÂ’t keep a job.

I guess IÂ’m just wondering what to expect and how to get screwed the least in the process.

Thanks guys

It is not so much the divorce as the child support laws and how they are applied to your situation. I was in a similar situation. She was very irresponsible. I chose to get a loan to cover all the debt she had helped run up so my credit would not be messed up. I recently found out that she had run up credit card debt and refinanced not once but twice with her new husband. she is not allowed to even apply for a credit card till it is paid off this time. I was lucky she found someone to take her off my hands. It just depends on the divorce laws in your state and how greedy she is or if she just wants out. I wish you the best of luck you will probably need it. I hope you will be able to continue seeing your son with out a lot of fighting.

Listen up find the best divorce lawyer you can afford. Be prepared to go to war and take no prisoners but act as if you are the most understanding person in the world.
Do not confuse obligation with love. This is a war and there will be no prisoner's taken. We are in trial by combat (with the lawyers as our champions) It is imperitive that you are out to win FOR YOURSELF! Children are pawns in this drama understand that. First win the war divide the spoils of a successful campaign later. If you get custody be aware that your lawyer should have it all And I mean ALL spelled out so there will be no comeback. If this is your first divorce then really find the nastiest winningist lawyer and heed his/her advice. and negotiate nothing without legal counsel and look to your future because that is what really at stake. As you get older, you will need the money. After all no money no honey,(unless you are one of the lucky ones). But remember, after the smoke clears YOU MUST BE THE ONE STANDING!!!!!

Went through this 9 years ago, my youngest child is now 18.

My biggest piece of advice from my experience: If you end up paying child support, try to get the judge or the agreements to require your ex to provide you with an accounting of how the money you pay to her is used for the child. I was happy to pay child support, and even paid it early, bu my ex ended up playing games and telling the kids she didn't have money and "go ask your dad". Since you are absolutely not supposed to put your kids in the middle (as she was doing) I was left with the choice of either telling them to go back to their mother or paying for stuff and then disputing things with her, which was a losing choice as well. "the parent who first acts irresponsible often forces the other to compensate". I have heard that some judges will require the party recieving child support to provide at least a general accounting of how the money was used for the child. In my ex's case, she ended up using my kids child support money to pay for her divorce from her second husband (I was the first), and believe it or not she just got married for the third time recently. I feel like she literally stole the money from my kids.

Also, as my kids reached driving age, we had no provisions for who was going to pay for things like cars and car insurance. Since I had the larger income, I ended up paying for all of my kids car insurance, and asked her to pay her share, but she refused. I wish I had anticipated some of these items and covered them in the agreement.

Don't misunderstand me; I am a plugged-in Dad and would happily take care of 100% of my kid's needs, and pretty much did. I just grew to hate writing her the check each month when she did not use it for the kids, and then set them up to come to me for needs she was supposed to be responsible for as the primary physical custodian.

Finally, I guessed correctly that I was on a "Five Year Plan" to recover from the divorce emotionally, financially, and even physically. Plan on being in a tough spot in life for quite a while and grit your way through it... In the end my kids now realize which parent was there for them, and that has made it all ok.

best of luck...