Now, what if you were married, more or less happily, had 2 beautiful children, nice house, reasonable job, basically, a pretty good life.

Then, out of nowhere you meet this other woman. She is cute, then as you get to know her, you start falling in love. Being the sensible man you are, you realize it, have an adult conversation with her, both of you realize that you can't be together, so you decide to chill things out. But...you can't get her out of your mind, eventually she creeps into your soul, and now, no matter what you are screwed.

Option A: Stay married, and wonder for the rest of your life what might have been?
Option B: Get divorced, probably re-marry quickly, hope that your kids survive the separation, probably have the time of your life.

Any and all feedback appreciated.

I hate to be blunt, but stop thinking with your dick for one second. If she wasn't "cute" you wouldn't give her the time of day, correct? You sound like you have a good, average life like the rest of us schmoes. So why screw it up?

All of us are "more or less happily married," right? Sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes both in the same day.

If you feel like you're going to give in to your "cute" friend, just imagine your wife coming down the aisle in her wedding gown.

BTW I'm 39 married 12 years, two kids, mortgage, etc etc. I've been in your shoes a couple of times. Good luck!

Remember with Option B, another new cutie will probably come down the pike at some time and you will go through the same thing again. You say you are happy with your marriage, good life, ect. I would stay there.

I was in that place many years ago. Nice wife, two small children, good job, life was good. Met "her" and it turned my world upside down. Nothing ever "happened" between us, but we both knew and wished it could. She left town after 2 years, and I never heard from her again. For many years, I thought of her and what could have been nearly every day. But I still think I made the right decision in the long run.

Stay where you are. You will be miserable for a time, but you will get over it.

Alimony...

Child support...

Hope you're making six figures cowboy!

Don't matter who else comes into your life that gives that spark. Someone always does, its up to you to be a man and move on, leave it be. When you married your wife you said for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.....till death do us part. That means you, weather you love her now or not, are there for the duration. You will not always like her or what she does and she will be the same with you. Love is not an emotion, love is a choice. If love was just an emotion then you could literally love a car or a blade of grass. Dont get cought up in all the emotion of a new chickie...not worth it.

Soulmates and wives are never the same. You are a person with or without a wife. You can make a choice to have a wife, and do all the husband and wife lifestyle things.

You will have many soulmates. They will be needed from time to time to help you in times of need, loss or confusion. A soulmate is not always of the opposite sex. Don't let the gender bender question confuse the issue. A soulmate is someone you connect with to do something, not sexual.

My thoughts ...

I expect that its real easy to "connect" with a pretty lady when the issues of home, the kids, etc. are stripped away.

I wonder if you were to be able to simulate a similar environment with your wife where the kids were being taken care of, you were away from the mental checklists that come with being home and she was "off the clock", if you'd find some soul mate characteristics there as well.

I am amazed that you would consider blowing to bits what you have, more or less happily married, great kids, a nice home and a pretty good life. Because considering something with another woman, divorcing or not, is what you are talking about and alot of innocent people getting hurt.

And what happens when after a fling, Ms. wonderful becomes routine.

It doesn't mean that this new woman isn't a soul mate, but have you really taken an objective look at you wife and remember why you connected and exploring if you also have a soul mate in the rough in front of your face.

In "The Moviegoer," Walker Percy writes about this: why is it that when we have all the things we think we have ever wanted, a couple of cars, kids, a beautiful wife, a great job, and a house, we still aren't happy and we long for more? It's a typical human craving. And women have this, too.

There will always be other women creeping into our lives, our hearts and our minds. I've found this happens every couple of years for me. And at first I felt pretty guilty about it. As the years went by, I wondered if my wife ever had the same problem where she would get attached to a guy. So I asked her. And sure enough, she did. And does. Again, a typical human craving.

In my marriage, which is probably a lot like anyone else's, my wife and I find ourselves naturally attracted to other people, if we are truly honest with ourselves. It helps a lot to accept this as a normal emotion, as nothing to feel guilty about nor something to "inspire" divorce. Instead, we choose to divert all the attention we might typically give the "other" person to one another.

So, my answer to your great question is this.

Choose Option C: Stay married and be honest about attraction. It's a fact of life. With billions of women in the world, how could it not be. But take all of that excitement devoted to the new woman and give it to your wife. How you listen to the new women, listen that way with your wife. How you fantasize having sex with the new women, have sex that way with your wife. How you long to go out on a date with the new woman, get a sitter and take out your wife.

After all, what we focus on grows.

Good luck!

The grass may greener on the other side, but it still needs mowing. Why is it that we always want something we can't have. Are you in love or in lust? Best to stay with someone you already know and care about.

This a crossroads for many people including myself.
Keep in mind doing this for sex is not the answer, doing this for a true 'soul-mate' is a better decision.

Not all of us are happily married. If you can distinguish between an affair and 'the rest of your life' then DO IT.

That is my position. I have a boring , uneventful, but patient wife and marriage.
Four years ago I met THE woman.
I made that decision as soon as I saw her. The first thing I said was 'WOW', the second thing I said was literally " I am in trouble". This was before we had dinner, sex or anything else.
I knew that I would be unhappy unless I was with this woman.

But , I made a bad non-decision. I have waited several years agonizing over ending my marriage thus souring both relationships.

I have decided to get divorced, because i KNOW that I am unhappy without this person in my life.
I know that I will disappoint my children, but we all deserve to be happy in our lives,

I don't want to say I wish i took that job, I wish I went on vacation, I wish I wish.


I changed careers, I make less, but I am happier.
You meet your soulmate only once in this life - if you KNOW and are sure of it. GO FOR IT !

You took a vow, before God and man, in sickness and health, for better or worse. Don't take it lightly. Or put the shoe on the other foot, how about your better half finds her soulmate and does to you what you are contemplating doing to her?
You lose your self respect, the respect of your friends and family, your kids respect, your nice house, a good portion of your income for a lot of years, and possibly a better position with whomever you work for if they take character into consideration when moving people up, which most companies do. All of this for what? An ego stroke because she's cute?! Grow up, zip up your pants and stay in the life that you have worked your ass off for. The fire at home isn't hot like it used to be? Fan it, you got her fired up before, you can do it the rest of your days, if you WANT to. I've been there, lost it all and was blessed by God the second time around.
Don't believe the crap that your buddies and you are dishing out about the kids being able to adapt and get through their world being turned upside down and shattered. That is bullshit. Your kids need you in their lives all the time when they're growing up. Self esteem, self worth, healthy relationships with their mates, ad infinitum. You can't do it part-time because kids are a full time responsibility that you and your wife both signed on for. Don't screw up their lives, they don't deserve it and damned sure didn't ask for it.
My old man found his soulmate when I was 11, I have a lot of unanswered questions to this day - I'm 51 - and not much of a relationship with him either.
Get your act together for your sake, your wife's sake and for your kids sake. Turn around and go back now while you can, you will respect yourself tomorrow and in the long run.

"I've been there, lost it all and was blessed by God the second time around."

You admit your life is beter !

I am not talking about sex. I know the difference.
I am NOT married to the woman I am in love with.
I cannot suck it up for all my life, without happiness.

I know the price, but to live my life without love is NOT acceptable !

Vostok,
My ex-wife was the infidel in our marriage, and as a consolation prize, she got to keep the booger eating moron that she left me for. She was pissed at me for not defending my honor when I saw what she was doing while I was at work and who she was doing said acts with. I decided then and there that she wasn't worth doing time over, my freedom was worth much more than she ever would be. My regret is she vented her wrath at our son and I could not do anything about it, back then it was very difficult to legally challenge motherhood. Yes, I have been blessed the second time but you have to consider all of the circumstances.
A wise man wrote "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned." I only caution that one consider all the parties that are at ground zero, and what could happen in their lives. You better be prepared to be relegated to the "parttime/sometime" parent status and pray/hope your perhaps ex doesn't hook up with a BEM like mine did. Oh, and make damned sure that you have a very good lawyer, infidelity is such an ugly word.
Live without love or happiness? No way, life is too short and precious. Before you leave for your soulmate, just think about your kids, the influence you have in their lives now and who will influence them when their mom finds a mate.

1) love at first sight (and soul mates at first sight) may exist but I highly doubt it. what makes it truly love is the ability to mesh together during the daily grind and make it fun.

2) appearances are deceiving.

3) the grass is greenest on the side of the fence that [u]you[/u] water.

The act of caring for something is often referred to as husbandry. It requires showing up, interaction, interest, caring and so on. Try showing up for your marriage with your "A" game.

Consider the vows you took. Which is the most important? Alot of people forget that there was more than a promise to be faithful. If you truly make the effort to fulfill [u]all[/u] of your vows, things tend to look after themselves and everyone is happier all the way around.

While kids are resiliant, make no mistake, there will be fallout even in the best of situations. You will be giving up the daily input that you once had and handing that over to someone else. Is it worth it?