Hi, since they don't have a forum for Marriage I wasn't sure where to post this topic.

First some background. I'm 51. Married for 29 years. My wife is beautiful and sexy. She worships the ground that I walk on. We have 2 grown children who turned out fantastic. I have a successful career. We have no money worrys. I am fit and in shape. I am healthy. I have a life that many guys would kill for......right?
I should be happy and content....right? Well, thats why I am writing here. I am not content and most of the time I'm not happy. I often feel restless and think about just packing it all in and taking off and being on my own. I often think about how nice it would be to be independent and to be able to 'sow those wild oats' that have been bottled up for the last 25+ years. But, then I stop to think about all that I would be giving up. Once I had my independence....then what? I don't want to end up being one of those mid life crisis statistics who throws away their life for some mid life whim. I'm at a point in my life when I should have my act totally together but instead I'm totally confused. This has become a constant struggle and quite frankly it sucks. Are there any other guys out there in my age group who are feeling the same way?

i think by nature we all have those urges. we see the pretty checkout girl at the supermarket who we KNOW is making a pass at us and want to chuck it all away.

i think what you have to do is realize that the grass cannot get any greener on the other side and that yeah, you have it pretty good (okay you seem to have it really good!!)

I solved the whole problem by channeling my inner Walter Mitty.

Actually, what I think we miss is the simplicity of our younger days. When I was 18 I joined the Army - food provided, housing provided, etc. College was (probably) the same. We had no bills, no personal responsibilities, nothing.

As we get older, the *personal* responsibilities pile up - our families depend on us for providing the stuff that allows them (and us) to function in society. The pressure is always on - kids need braces, everybody needs clothes, a bigger house, etc.

So here we sit in our 40s and 50s thinking, WTF? Where did the fun go? Where did that guy that jumped into a car with his friends and went on a road trip with no idea of where they were going go?

Consider, for the moment, the "happiness" of those who actually act on the feelings that you are expressing. You will find a collection of guys who are:

Financially strapped.
Alienated from adult children who don't have much to do with them.
In search of friends to replace the lifelong family friends they lost from their actions.
Drinking too much and suffering the consequences.
Carrying a lot of guilt and feeling pretty stupid.
Tired of explaining what they did to their aging parents who now like the wife better than them.
Probably tied up with a woman who doesn't doesn't hold a candle to the one they left.

I am almost 65 and happily married, but I have seen a lot of guys your age get caught up in "what they might have missed."

My recommendation, book a vacation to Hawaii with your lovely wife and enjoy her company. Try to always have something coming up that you are both looking forward to. And, save some pity for those fools who have acted on this impulse.

Gentlemen, thanks for your responses and insight.

Pecos, coming from a gentleman who is 65 and who has seen the fallout from other guys upping and leaving I certainly appreciate your valuable insight. In fact I was hoping to get insight from someone like you who is older and wiser.


The thing is, overall we have a very happy marriage. I married young and never got a chance to 'sow those wild oats' so I often think that I missed out on something. But, when it comes right down to it I probably didn't miss a damn thing. In fact I ended up with a pretty damn good life. I just need to keep reminding myself of this fact.

Just a quick question - do you have a group of guys that you hang out with?

I'm wondering 'cause that is a common topic here, and I am curious if there's a connection between how you're feeling and the "loneliness" factor.

No, actually I don't have any guy friends that I hangout with. Over the years with bringing up the kids, doing family things and work obligations I lost contact with many of my friends.

I've noticed this to be a pretty common theme among the guys on here.

Does anyone on here have any suggesstions for developing new friendships later in life?

JOIN GROUPS BASED ON COMMON INTERESTS OR JOIN AN OVER 40 LEAGUE OF SOME SPORT YOU ENJOY. I PLAY BASKETBALL ONCE A WEEK WITH A GROUP OF GUYS OVER 40. FRIENDSHIPS HAVE DEVELOPED AND IT IS A COUPLE OF HOURS AWAY FROM FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES.